


Welcome, Goodbye

by chenziee



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Fireworks, M/M, Manga Spoilers, Ocean, Pro tip, So much angst, before you decide to incorporate new stuff into canon, better make sure you know damn well how to describe it without the actual words, eren is sad and depressed and levi doesn't know what to do, i made myself sad writing this, set during capter 90, though it only passed by some of that, time skip, you can still track my stress levels and workload by my writing schedule
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-13
Updated: 2018-05-13
Packaged: 2019-05-06 04:06:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,564
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14633742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chenziee/pseuds/chenziee
Summary: The Survey Corps finally found the mythical body of salt water called the ocean, marking their grand victory. But did they really win? Could they claim victory when the enemy is still out there and their hope is slowly losing it's shine, paying the greatest cost of them all?





	Welcome, Goodbye

Levi hauled himself up into the saddle, patting his horse fondly when he got settled. Looking around at the members of the Survey Corps, old and new, he only saw excited grins and determined gazes. They were leaving the camp they had set up overnight, ready to explore more of their newly reclaimed land.

They hadn’t met a single titan that would pose a danger to them since the day they left the walls behind a week ago. Hanji was right in her deduction and most of the mobile titans were concentrated within Wall Maria or close to it.

It seemed there was little work for the Survey Corps now.

But that wasn’t really true, was it? If what Eren and the journals of Grisha Jaeger told them was true, they still had their most dangerous battles ahead of them. How likely it was the people across “the ocean” would leave them alone now? They have already sent a bunch of titan shifters – of fucking _kids_ – to get rid of them. Sure, they failed but how long until they send someone, or _something_ , else?

Shaking his head and turning his horse around to face ahead, he looked at Hanji next to him. She looked just as excited as the kids behind them.

“Why the hell are you so happy, shitty glasses?” Levi asked, eyeing his friend suspiciously.

Hanji grinned at him in response. “We should be getting close to the ocean. We could reach it today, Levi! Why _aren’t_ you happy?”

Levi scoffed turning away. Sure. The ocean. Whatever the fuck that was. A shit ton of dirty, possibly poisonous water, most probably.

But really, Levi understood. It wasn’t about the water. It was “the end of the journey”. The symbol of “freedom” and “defeating the titans”. A year ago, Levi would probably be just as excited as everyone else was. But now... now they knew a lot more and honestly, there wasn’t much reaching the ocean would mean. That their cage was a bit bigger than it used to be, and that they still knew next to nothing about the world. Still, it was a step in the right direction. So why _wasn’t_ he excited?

Levi suspected he knew why.

Looking over his shoulder at where his squad was animatedly talking to each other, Levi couldn’t help but fixing his gaze at the one who was supposed to be the happiest right now.

He watched as Eren fidgeted in his saddle, keeping his horse a bit back from the rest of the kids. There was a look of determination on his face but it seemed dull in a way. Nowhere close to the sparks that were flying everywhere around Armin. The blond kid was practically vibrating.

But not Eren.

Eren looked like he couldn’t care less, like he was about to go on a mission that was no different from any other.

And Levi couldn’t help but remember the night before they went out to Shiganshina. When Eren was talking to Mikasa and Armin about the ocean and the flaming water and lands of ice. His attitude was so different then, there was so much passion in his words. Now... Now there was nothing,

Shaking his head, he faced forward again but because of the movement, he caught Hanji’s suddnly serious eyes. “You’re worried,” she said, voice quiet and solemn.

Levi shot her a look he hoped conveyed his annoyance at her prodding. “Why would I be?”

“Because you _care_ Levi. I understand where you’re coming from, you know?” An incredibly sad expression crossed her face before she added in a whisper. “It’s like he’s a completely different person, isn’t it.”

Levi didn’t answer her, just gestured for her to hurry it up.

Hanji watched him for a second longer but then conceded, calling out to her soldiers and giving the order to head out.

The moment she did, the soldiers cheered and fell into formation, prompting their horses to a run. And then they continued straight ahead in hopes of arriving _somewhere_ before the day ended.

They ran for hours without rest, even the chatter dying out after a while, and there was nothing for Levi to focus on except the sound of hooves hitting the ground. A sound that made Levi’s mind wander. Wander back to the days when everything was less complicated. To the days when the sound of hooves wasn’t just a white noise but something that kept you alert because it meant you were outside the safety of the walls and a titan could jump out at you at any minute.

Now... Now it was safer, Levi didn’t have to bath in blood every other day. But somehow, he missed those days.

Lately, that was all Levi kept thinking about. The old, simple, straightforward ways of life. He thought about it every time he sat on his horse, every time he lay awake at night, and every time he looked at Eren.

Eren who was hardly the ray of hope he used to be. He was still hope for humanity, would always be, but Levi didn’t feel hope when he looked at him anymore. He only felt pain and sadness. Because what was hope when it killed the person bearing it?

Levi didn’t want to watch Eren slowly die. He wanted to see him laugh and be _happy_.

Only when the sun started it’s track downwards, making them all know it was past noon, did the murmurs start again, pulling Levi out of his thoughts. He finally looked around himself properly only to see the scenery around them had started changing at some point. There were less trees, the ground was more sandy, and even the air felt different. _Salty_ , Levi thought, and a sudden wave of excitement washed over him.

He squinted at the horizon, gazing ahead intently, trying to see the fabled body of water. But what he saw instead was a sight that felt very familiar and he felt his stomach drop.

Walls.

There were walls on the horizon and for a moment Levi felt a strong sense of deja-vu. It was like they hadn’t even left. Somewhere on the back of his mind he knew it would be like that, it was written in the journals and Eren told them there were walls around the “Paradis island” as well but seeing it for himself drove home the fact they were still at the very beginning of their fight for freedom.

He exchanged a look with Hanji; the Commander looked as torn as Levi felt. They probably all felt similarly at that point. They were _there_ but... it was not the mark of victory they had imagined it to be.

Still, when they finally stood on the hot sand, tasted the possibly poisonous water, screamed at how the water moved and threw them off balance, when they picked up all the weird shaped, fragile, pretty things... all of them looked happy. Beyond happy. Sasha and Connie’s screeches and laughter as they pushed Jean into the water were telling and Levi was pretty sure those were tears in Mikasa’s eyes.

And Levi felt happy too, despite refusing to touch anything. He was happy they got this far and he was happy to see the kids and Hanji this delighted. This light-hearted after months and months of suffering. He was content to just watch them, watch as Hanji yelled about finding something new, as Mikasa jumped around, startled from the water splashing her, as Armin stared in wonder at his feet before slowly picking something up.

Watch as Eren stood there, unmoving, and looking _so out of reach_. So far away and so lost.

It pained Levi that Eren couldn’t be as happy as everyone else. That it had to be Eren once again who was suffering the most. And hearing his voice break as he asked for his one goddamned piece of freedom in turn broke Levi’s heart. In that moment, Levi so wished he could give Eren all the happiness he was feeling. That he could take away all the pain and replace it with the peace the kid damn well deserved.

But Levi knew that was impossible.

He could only watch helplessly as Eren fell further and further away, somewhere where Levi – or anyone else – couldn’t grab onto him anymore.

They set camp on the beach, planning to stay overnight and then explore the coast the next day. As soon as the sun set, they all gathered around the bonfire they had lit up, people laughing and drinking the booze some of them apparently brought in preparation of the expected celebration of “victory”. Levi couldn’t say he blamed them.

After all, even he had cracked a smile or two throughout the night. Sitting with his squad and Hanji and dealing with their antics all evening had that effect.

Most notable was, however, when Hanji had announced she had a surprise for everyone and ran off to her tent, only to emerge a minute later with a bag in tow. Everyone watched her carefully in anticipation as she walked back to the fire, expecting for her to open the bag and show them what was inside. But instead she just grinned, not saying anything, only grabbing one long, flaming branch and running off again, this time away from their camp and along the shore.

Confused glances were exchanged as they watched her silhouette get more and more indiscernible, only the branch showing them where the Commander was. Finally, after a few minutes, it looked like Hanji had stopped and started setting something up. A while later, she raised her branch up into the air and everyone held their breath in anticipation before the flame moved downwards as if she tossed it away from herself. Then, as soon as it hit the sand, the ground started burning. In the sudden light, they saw Hanji sprinting away from the quickly moving flames and back towards the rest of them.

There were a few surprised gasps and shouts, and Levi was sure he wasn’t alone in wondering what the fuck the madwoman did now. A moment later, there was a loud explosion, making them all jump and stare in shock as a bright, red light raised up from the centre of he blast and only continued raising up into the sky until it exploded again in a shower of small red sparks.

Then there was another explosion, and another, each one painting the night sky in a different burst of colour. And Levi, much like everyone else, stared at it in wonder. He didn’t know what the fuck it was but... it was pretty. Beautiful, even.

There were murmurs and awed sighs to be heard from the soldiers that sat in small groups all around the bonfire. Everyone was talking but Levi still picked out the one simple, “Amazing...” that came in a quiet exhale from the person sitting right next to him.

At that, Levi had to tear his eyes away from the show and look at Eren instead. The boy was staring up at the sky with a wide grin on his face, and Levi’s heart jumped at the sight.

God, how he missed that smile.

He couldn’t look away. After what felt like – and probably _was_ – months, he finally got to see that bright smile again. And how he wished he could keep it there.

Levi knew it was probably only a fleeting moment, caught in the excitement and pretty colours momentarily blooming in the sky, and was bound to go away, bound to be overshadowed by the melancholy that was taking over the boy’s mind. But even if it was just for a short moment, Levi wanted to savour it, imprint it in his memory forever.

He must have been staring at Eren for a while because soon the boy was looking back at him, a confused, questioning frown on his face. “Captain?” he asked in a whisper, as if scared to break the fragile atmosphere hanging between them. “What’s wrong?”

Levi gazed into those green eyes for a long moment before he finally replied in a tone equally as quiet, “Welcome back, brat.”

Eren cocked his head to the side at that, a crooked smile still adorning his face. He reached out, searching for Levi’s presence. “I never went anywhere, Levi.”

And Levi latched onto Eren’s hand, squeezing it tight, as if it would disappear any moment. It felt like such a long time since they simply held hands – or did anything simple and affectionate, really. And Levi missed it. He missed Eren.

Missed him even though he was right next to him more often than not.

He didn’t say anything to him, however, simply shaking his head and cracking a bitter smile, because Eren might be there now but he won’t be there tomorrow or the day after that. He will go back to his shell and Levi will be left wishing he could go back to the time they first shared a kiss, a nervous, inexperienced peck on the lips that lasted way shorter than either of them had wished, hidden between the bookshelves of the royal castle’s library before Historia’s coronation.

Eren didn’t question him either, probably understanding what Levi meant better than he was willing to admit.

The two of them stared each other in the eyes for a long, silent moment then; not moving, afraid to let go and lose this moment. But finally, they leaned towards each other in sync, their lips crashing together in a desperate effort to hold on just as loud cheers erupted around them, signalling Hanji’s show to be over.

Still, the two of them didn’t separate, didn’t care in that moment if anyone saw them. Levi’s free hand travelled up to grip the hair on the back of Eren’s head to pull him impossibly closer and Eren moaned into the kiss, only making Levi tighten his hold.

Levi didn’t even notice when Eren’s hand found it’s way to his shoulder, not until his nails bit into Levi’s flesh painfully, but he did notice when Eren started crying. Giving Eren’s lower lip one last lick, he pulled away slowly to rest his forehead against Eren’s, scratching his scalp lightly, soothingly all the while.

Silent tears were rolling down Eren’s cheeks and Levi ached to wipe them away, to take away the reason for them, but found himself helpless. He was helpless facing Eren, always had been helpless when it came to him, but now Eren was his own worst enemy and Levi didn’t know what to do. He could deal with titans and unknown enemy nations but inner demons were outside his competence. He couldn’t deal with his own, much less anyone else’s.

No matter how much he wished he could.

No matter how much he wished to be able to tell Eren that everything would be okay, that he didn’t have to go through this anymore.

He couldn’t promise him that and they both knew it.

Levi felt Eren gulp heavily before taking a deep breath. “I missed you so much,” he whispered and even barely audible, it sounded broken to Levi’s ears. Desperate, apologetic, lost.

Broken.

Eren was broken, or on his way to be at least, and Levi could do nothing but hold his hand and kiss his tears away.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked it ~~and that you cried because if not, it would mean _I_ cried over nothing ahahahahaa~~


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